This new year, I think about fresh starts and what may be. I sit hopeful. I wonder what is in store and I feel capable and dreamy, if that’s the right word. I sit and think, as I have many, many New Year’s Eves before.
In the old year, the past year, I didn’t do all the things I set out to do. I read through my goals and I read through my intentions and I see how I failed at them in many ways. I never get as many things done as I intend. I am never as healthy or as amazing as I think I am going to be able to be. And I always think the future Amy is going to be such a better person than the present one. Why isn’t she?
She just isn’t. She’s still me. She fails and she eats and she plays games with her kids and allows herself the freedom to enjoy the moment, perhaps to a fault. She wants to work harder but she also wants to watch a movie. She wants to eat raw but she also wants to go to pack down some queso, because it’s just so damn good.
The moment and the long term stay at odds. Instant gratification versus long term benefits don’t always (or sometimes ever) mesh. So as I look back on you, old year, should I be disappointed in myself? Disappointed in myself for not being all those things I aimed to be? Or for not achieving all those things I wanted to achieve?
I want this year to be different. I want the new to be new. Not a new version of the old! No, something new. Out with the old, and in with the new!
– This new year, hiding and trying stays in the old year. I will not write in a regular journal (as I have for the past 5 or 6 years). I will write on the new site and I will be honest, real, and true.
– This new year, things I cannot control stay in the old year. I will set goals only I can control. Produce music, write, learn!
– This new year, beating myself up over the state of my body stays in the old year. I will get up off my ass and get moving in those moments when laziness strikes. But I won’t beat myself up when I don’t.
– This new year, distraction stays in the old year. I will be more present with my kids in the morning and at bedtime.
– This new year, comparison stays in the old year. I won’t compare and I won’t worry about where I fall in the ranks.
– This new year, getting caught up in the OLD stays in the old year. I will look for fresh ways of functioning.
I’ve already signed up for electric guitar lessons, intent on learning something new. I am excited. What’s next? That is what the new is about. That is what’s exciting about life.
Remember: This new year, let’s steer clear of being a new version of the old. Be a new version. Period.