Change can feel embarrassing.
In the last few years, I’ve changed a lot. This has caused me angst. I’m not talking about the big ones, like “I started music” or “I took up acting”. I’m talking about the constant adjustments, the changing of daily things, the changing of what I’m up to; the name of my website, the looks on my photos, the way I deliver whatever message I’m feeling right now. These changes aren’t because I don’t want to stick with something. Not at all! Sometimes, you have to try something to know whether or not it works.
When we change, we are essentially saying: OK. The choices I have made up to this point aren’t working. Something feels off. I was wrong. I have to try something else. And that can feel a little embarrassing.
How hard it can be to swallow your pride, and do that! To step up, to own it, to say, yeah, I’m making changes! I’ve talked a bit about my divorce, and that’s hard for me, because I still feel a lot of guilt and shame over leaving a very good guy, the father of our then one-year-old.
But I had made choices that weren’t true to ME. I had allowed other people’s expectations to make my life something other than what I wanted. And I had married someone who expected someone different than the person I was in my heart.
So I left. I was basically admitting to everyone that I was wrong, and I had to field the embarrassment of divorce and the rejection of my family. I wrote in last week’s article about how change makes other people uncomfortable, but we can’t deny that change can make US uncomfortable, too.
Today, I am thinking about the changes I am making in my podcast. I enjoyed Season 1 of The Real Show, but I know that it has potential to be something more. Moving forward, I want it to be a source of enjoyment for me, and a source of fulfillment. The way I did it before was more expensive, more time consuming, and not my strongest way of being. I knew that it was wasn’t going to be sustainable for me over the long term. But then at the same time, the thought of changing it has stressed me out. I worry that people will think I’m flighty or think I can’t commit to something. Or perhaps they’ll not like the new way of things.
When there’s change, no matter the situation, big or small, it’s about adjusting life to where we need it to be. It’s about pushing ourselves to live fully, to get it right. It’s not an overnight process. We can easily get wrapped up in the fear of this, because it’s hard. Whether it’s our relationships, our career, or something as simple as our website, we have to not feel embarrassed to make the necessary shifts we need to get to where we need to be; and as we shift, we may need to shift more, or shift back, or take a little from here and a little from there and make it something completely new and completely ours.
So let’s make a change right now, together. Let’s not feel embarrassed when we need to change. Let’s own that! Here are three easy mantras to say when we feel that negative pull but know we need to do something:
1. It’s ok to adjust life to make me a more fulfilled, more realized human.
2. Every journey requires movement, and that’s what this is.
3. The opposite of change is stagnation, and that’s not an option.
Listen here to Season 2, Episode 1 of “The Real Show” podcast!