Dear Beat Babe,
A really good friend of mine recently gained back several pounds after massive effort to lose weight! She looked amazing and felt amazing! I love her deeply but I know she is not happy. I fear she will think I don’t understand. How do I tell her or help her back to a healthy weight? Or should I not?
She Fat Again
Oh lord! This is so tough. A Colorado Bulldog might be the drink of choice today, because your friend seems to like all things made with cream. (Yikes. But she’s only human.)
I know that you are really wanting to help your friend. And maybe if the tables were turned you would want your friend to tell you, but this is a very delicate issue- one that can really damage someone’s self esteem and cause long term confidence issues. You are going to have to approach this with kid gloves if you decide to tell her that her butt has taken a turn for the worse.
I remember as a child in the 70’s/80’s that my Mom was on all sorts of fad diets. Cabbage diet, red meat diet, Herbalife, slim fast, algae pills, grapefruit diet, etc, etc, etc. Finally she resorted to Fasten (which was later known as Fen-Phen). I wanted to scream, “For god’s sake, woman!” and tell her she was crazy (which she is), but she was convinced that she needed to lose that last 10lbs. And you know what? To this very day she is still claiming that she has those last 10 to go. And I’ll admit, my obsession with weight and the constant struggle to keep it off stems from her. It’s disgusting how we beat ourselves up over this. We all do it, too! Damn, another 400 calorie bulldog is coming my way. My yoga pants are destined to cut off my circulation tomorrow.
Just remember, your friend probably already knows all too well that the new pants she ordered from Shopbop two months ago are not going to fit over her knees right now. Believe me, she knows. Perhaps she is burned out. Perhaps she is not ready to maintain that weight. Perhaps she likes her happy hours slamming margaritas and queso. If you believe she is not happy, maybe focus on finding out that information first. Why is she unhappy? Maybe her job as a plus sized model fell through? Seriously, though, if you focus on the weight and not the reason she is unhappy in the first place, you are going to piss her off. Suggest you go on a walk a few days a week because you want to get out of the house and talk. Maybe it will turn into a habit. Your friend has to be ready in every way to lose the weight and nothing you say is going to change that. Just my opinion, take it or leave it. Like the third creamy Colorado Bulldog sitting in front of me.
Dear Beat Babe,
I have a friend at work who is just lovely, inside and out. She is extremely fashionable and beautiful. There is only one problem….she needs to wax her hairy lip! Like, BAD! How do I tell her that it needs to go? She deserves to know.
My friend IS Snuffaluffagus
Champs up in the hizzy…bubbles everyone!
OK. This is fairly easy to solve. Tell her you want to go to lunch. When you’re out, tell her you need to get your brows waxed or threaded or whatever. When they attack her with questions about her hairy lip, you say, “YES! You should go for it!” These places won’t let her out of there with lip hair you can French braid. If that doesn’t work, an anonymous letter saying something like, “I almost hit you in the mouth the other day because I was afraid of the asp above your lip….” And then leave a gift certificate to the closest wax bar.
Then in all seriousness, just be honest and ask her if she waxes her lip or brows. If she says no, suggest the place you go to get your lady issues, lips included, waxed. Mention that she should take it into serious consideration. That it doesn’t hurt, would look great and that you can keep her lip hair to knit a blankie for your goddaughter.
I think my Champs has gone to my head. I am sorry.
If this friend is as wonderful as you say, I would flat-out tell her she should consider getting her lip waxed. If she is concerned about fashion and the like, then she cares about her appearance. She needs the help. You could even say, “do you want to go get our lips waxed today? I am getting mine done.” No one wants to be known as the woman with a mink stole on her face. Help a sister out.
Good luck, and bottoms up!