My friend has recently become very successful in the entertainment business. I am really happy for her and I know she has worked very hard to get where she is, but I can’t help but be jealous. We went to school for the same career and have had similar journeys along the way. I don’t want to feel the way I do. How can I stop?
Gene Loves Jealousy
Gracious…the ol’ green eyed monster has reared its ugly head. Never fear when there’s a large pinot noir close by! Cures most everything I’ve discovered. Bottoms up.
To be perfectly honest, I can understand exactly where you are coming from, but really, it’ll do you no good in the end, right? Jealousy festers under the skin and will destroy even the strongest of relationships. Even your relationship with wine- I swear, it’s true. But it is hard to let go of all of those nasty feelings. It’s a mixture of why not me, I am just as good/better than my friend at what she does, I deserve it just as much, etc, etc. The list could literally go on forever. None of these things matter and none of these things are controllable to say the least. Sometimes success depends on momentum. What I mean is that one “break” can put you on the path to success and somehow that blows the moss off the stone. And once it starts, the momentum takes over. But, you’re stuck….what gives…?
I am sure you are not wishing for your friend to fail, correct? Unless you are really demented, in which, perhaps we are soul mates (I kid!) but maybe you are a fan of the schadenfreude. You know, when people take pleasure in the failure of others? It’s like Mean Girls on speed. This could be very unhealthy. Unlike my pinot, which is SUPER HIGH in antioxidants and great for my heart. But, I don’t think this is the problem. If it is, you need a therapist STAT.
If you talk to your friend about your feelings it may immediately make things tense and awkward. Do you think that she can sense your jealousy? Maybe you could approach her with a sincere request for help in your own career. Tell her you admire her and are happy for her success. There is nothing wrong with expressing the desire to also be successful and maybe she can help you tweak some things to help give your career the boost it needs. Flattery gets people everywhere most of the time, so tell her she’s the shiznit and you’re proud of her. And if she’s your close friend, then I am sure she’s aware that it might be hard for you to not get the opportunities she is at the moment. A good friend wants you to succeed. Remember that.
Your time will come. It may not be the way you think it should or exactly how you want it, but be grateful anyway. Nothing leads to success in anything in life like having a loving heart, especially towards a good friend. That or a great sommelier! They make every night a success.
Dear Beat Babe,
When it’s that special time of the month, I have a very difficult time in general. Horrible cramps, moodiness, massive appetite, depression, etc. It’s awful and I mentally try to prep every time so that I can try to handle things better. My husband doesn’t believe that these are real symptoms of my period and chalks it up to me making excuses. How can I convince him that I am not making any of this up?
Crampy in paradise
Good Lord in heaven! Are you freaking serious? I may have to bring out the big guns for this ridiculousness. Pour me a straight tequila on the rocks, twist of lime.
My dear, as a grown woman you probably own a frying pan. Hit him in the face with it and tell him you’re PMS-ing, for realz. I simply can’t get over the fact that your husband (you chose to marry him?!) thinks that PMS is not real. How can this be? Of course it’s real. And the symptoms are real and the hormones are real. Not only do we have to go through this seemingly never ending cycle most of our lives, now we have to convince those closest to us that the pain and suffering that are associated with this cycle is not phony. Tsk tsk tsk! That’s what I say! Hit him again.
Clearly, your husband is not educated in this regard. My advice is to “educate” him. Perhaps he would like to accompany you to your gynecologist to discuss the very real effects of PMS. Sure, some women do not suffer to the same degree as others, but let’s be clear, it’s no walk in the park. IT IS HELL! And this coming from a man who has no idea what it’s like in the first place. He pees standing UP, he already has all of the advantages. Furthermore, PMS is really no joke for those of us who have severe symptoms. Sounds like you are in this category.
I remember getting my first period. Van Halen’s newest world premiere video, “Jump!” was debuting on New Year’s Eve. I had my 6th grade boyfriend over with some other friends as well. I had on white sweat pants from Contempo. I am scarred for life from that stain. SCARRED! And I loved Halen! I will never be able to listen to that song without a massive cramp forming. I remember asking myself in the bathroom if Christie Brinkley had to put up with this crap every single month, too. I was mortified.
For me, it affects my sleep, my mood, my diet (alcohol excluded)- honestly, my whole personality suffers the major swings. It’s rough, but I think we get used to it and our expectations are clear about the changes. Maybe you should set him up on a calendar reminder. This way he knows coming his way from about a week out. Oh, I am parched from all of this. Tequila=heaven right now.
I certainly hope you do not feel any guilt or worry about dealing with severe PMS. You need to talk to your doctor about things you can do, besides drinking tequila, that will help you deal with this. Your husband needs to start by showing some consideration and empathy. Otherwise, I am personally ready to call one of those Japanese game shows that have the machines simulating period pains on men. And promptly turn it up to ELEVEN.