My dearest, oldest, bestest friend is the most wonderful person on the planet. And her husband is the biggest a**hole on it. He makes me want to vomit every time we have to see him. They have been on the verge of divorce for years now, but she always wants to make it work because of the kids. He’s a total loser. How can I convince her to leave him once and for all?
I don’t care if I go to hell, I want him dead
Friends like cocktails, right? How about a summer sangria that looks like this douchebag’s blood supply?
Oh honey, I know how you feel. This is sooooo tough because you have a lot of emotional and personal interest in your friends happiness and well being. It’s ultra-hard to watch someone you love- who clearly needs to get out of a relationship- continue to waste precious time and energy on someone that doesn’t deserve it. It’s a hard thing to realize, but here’s the brass tacks: it doesn’t really matter what you think. It’s none of your business.
Your business is to provide support and love for your friend. I am sure she KNOWS her husband is a jackass, but until she comes to terms with the way in which to leave him, you’re only her cheerleader, not her coach. You can give your opinion on what you would do if the situation were yours, but ONLY if she asks you this specifically.
Take a HUGE AND I MEAN HUGE BLOODY SIP. The fact is she may never leave this dried up piece of filth and you have to be supportive of that. It’s her life, her husband, her relationship and her mistake, frankly.
If he is someone that you simply cannot be around, then don’t. You shouldn’t have to submit yourself to be around this Donald Trump of annoying good-for-nothing. He’s not your husband, you don’t have to take one for the team every Tuesday night to keep him happy in the sack. Just be supportive. If she’s smart enough, she will figure it out on her own. You definitely don’t want her or her children being resentful of you if you push her to make a decision about the marriage.
Best of bloody luck! Because he sounds like a real gem….
Dear Beat Babe,
My good friend’s mom saw my daughter and I at the gym. She asked to take our picture and I said sure. Well, she posted it on Facebook and my daughter looks ADORABLE, but unfortunately, I look like I have been feasting on lard-laden Mexican food for the past decade. I love having the pic of my girl on Facebook, but I am embarrassed for myself. Should I untag?
I guess my ego is as big as my ass
Ok, friend…since we are watching our lbs here, I suggest a nice wine spritzer for you. Made correctly they’re only about 70 calories. Hopefully you can spin it right off in class tomorrow. Do you hear the hint of sarcasm here? Good, because it’s directed at you.
I don’t mean to be harsh and I absolutely do understand that cringe-worthy feeling when you see yourself through the eye of an unforgiving lens, but lighten up (I only say this figuratively since I have never seen you before and you are probably exaggerating the size of your bum). Do you think that one day your daughter is going to look at this darling picture and say, “Wow, Mom, great pic of me, but you are Rosie O’Donnell here!”? I sincerely don’t think so.
I think it’s healthy to have pics out on the interwebs that might not be your greatest angle or cutest outfit. It’s how life works. We are not perfect 100% of the time. Much less than that, if we are being honest. And if your family sees you in said photo and they see how happy your daughter is, I am sure they are going to notice the love between you- not your nonexistent fat rolls.
Let it go, girl. Drink up your spritzer so you can move on to the good stuff. Life is too short to be sweating it out in the sauna over this one. I say eat more queso and say cheese to the camera.