I am married with 2 kids. I went to a concert over the weekend with some friends, and among them, an old high school flame. We have always flirted and joked with each other, but it’s always been innocuous until this weekend. After the show, everyone was headed out to meet up at another location. And I left with my old boyfriend. Before I knew what was happening we were making out in my minivan. Then we were naked in the back. Then we were having sex in the back of the minivan where I usually haul carpool kids. What the F**K was I thinking? I simply cannot believe what I did. I am overwhelmed with guilt, but I am confused about my feelings for him. What do I do?
I am 45 and I had sex in the back of a minivan
Oh, angel heart! This is really serious. I’d say to load up on something very alcoholic, but you need a straight up intervention here and now! From my perspective, you need a “come to Jesus” meeting STAT! And I am a Jew. It’s that important.
Okay… holy shit. Logistics first. We have all probably gotten busy in the backseat of a car at one point in our lives, but this is impressive at our age. It must have been uncomfortable. Or were you drunk? Then it’s likely that you remember basically nothing. What the hell happened? You probably have bruises that you don’t know the source of. We’ve been there. How are your knees?
Have you ever done anything like this before? Were you drinking? What was your motivation to go the concert with your ex? Look, I hang out with ex boyfriends, but if there’s anyone that you have to draw a true line with, it’s an ex. There are so many familiar stories, jokes, people, and experiences that you share that can make you feel like you are still in that era and that relationship. It’s not healthy for your marriage to be entertaining these types of things (much less doggie sex in the back of a Honda Odyssey). You can’t be hanging out with your ex if you’re going to do the nasty.
Let’s be real. This is MAJOR and I mean MAJOR for many reasons. Not least? You have jeopardized your marriage and family over someone that you are confused about. I am not judging. But I am saying that if I was going to have sex with someone outside of my relationship, I would really have to think about that decision and its repercussions. What if you got caught, got an STD, got pregnant (don’t roll your eyes), or…shit! Anything?! Is this guy worth it? You two broke up once, already!
I would recommend counseling for you and possibly for your marriage. Separate yourself immediately from this ex so that you can focus on the real issues that have brought you here. And don’t be afraid to question your marriage and the level of connection and intimacy. If you were great friends with your spouse, I don’t think you’d be here. Challenge yourself to dig deep. You need to get to the bottom of this, Lady Chatterley. I wish you the best of luck.
Dear Beat Babe,
I have wonderful kids, I promise. But they are driving me insane. I have cooked countless numbers of meals for them and they turn their noses up every single time. Sometimes without even trying the dish. I spend so much time researching recipes and going to the grocery store I feel like it overwhelms my life. I am so sick of it. Any suggestions?
My kids are sucking the life out of me
Dear god, can I relate!! This is why I drink. This very reason. It has become crystal clear to me why all of my friends parents in the 70’s and 80’s were completely plastered by 2PM. Survival! Please pour yourself the largest glass of red wine you can find. It’s great for your heart and sanity!
It’s the worst- all the blood, sweat and tears that go into trying to get your kids to eat, and eat well! Healthy meals take time and preparation. And by the end of getting all of it together you are ready to pull all of your hair out and feed them Purina. I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. Believe me, you’re not alone.
A couple of things have helped me through this issue myself.
1. I will not make 2 dinners for anyone. If I am going to take the time to make your dinner and you don’t like it or don’t want to eat it then I am not making another one.
2. If you are screaming and crying and claiming you are starving, then eat the lovely dinner I just prepared.
3. If you “can’t” or “won’t” eat the magical meal I’ve just lovingly prepared for your spoiled ass, then get up and make yourself a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter sandwich and call it a night. Because Mommy Dearest is done.
4. Pour HUGE glass of wine and leave the room. Lock yourself in the bedroom, put in earplugs and/or turn the white noise machine on high.
I do think that age has a lot to do with the unwillingness to try new foods and the tantrums go hand in hand with this behavior. My kids have eased up on me tremendously over the years. But the scars are still there. The shitheads. But how we love ’em. Just do the best you can and stop beating yourself up. They will grow up and be fine. And many times, kids are simply wanting control over something/anything, and food is an easy target.
Look, Martha Stewart couldn’t do it any better. Remember, she went to prison! Feel better?
The struggle is real. Bottoms up!