What is the time stipulation for being mad at someone? I have had an ongoing feud with my ex for 6+ years. He won’t budge on anything. It wouldn’t be a big deal if we didn’t have children together. Don’t you think it’s been long enough for him to get over it? It makes me want to punch him in the face. Hard.
Get the Eff Over it Already
Oh girl! Load up a Pimm’s Cup and settle down for a summer chat. First, I understand you wanting to end a long standing feud. It takes a sh*tload of energy to keep that going, and at my age, I can’t imagine drumming up more energy for this type of BS. However, I don’t know the intimate nature of your feud and what caused it. If I was a betting woman, I would say that maybe your ex didn’t want to split? Was there another party involved in this situation? Most of the time couples can’t survive infidelity and neither can their egos.
Let me give you an example. My mother just brought up an issue regarding my father and their marriage, which has been o-ver for all intents and purposes since 19 freaking 81. Duran Duran hadn’t even hit it big yet. COME ON, LADY….let’s move on! Yet some people cannot get over it. They just can’t. They built so much of their life dependent on their counterpart that they can’t separate the 2 and build a new life. Sad, but true.
This sounds like maybe you will have to be the one that moves on and accepts that he is going to hold a grudge forever. If your ex can’t seem to find it within himself that there is value in being civil for the kid’s sake, then I don’t think that will change. Ever. No amount of anonymous books left in his mailbox will bring the point home. Let it go. You have your kids to worry about. Focus your energy on them.
And also, do not forget that you have a beautiful Pimm’s cup to enjoy! What more do you need? May the bridges you burn light the way….isn’t that the saying? Cheers!
Dear Beat Babe,
I have a really close friend of mine that I met through our kids. They go to the same school and we spend a lot of time together. Lately, I have noticed that she is calling, texting and wanting to hang out even more than we already do. Last weekend we were all together and drinking. She had a little too much and I noticed that she was looking at me a lot. Touching me more, standing super close. She hasn’t said anything directly, but I get the feeling that she is attracted to me in a romantic way. I am not sure I am comfortable with this. Should I tell her how I feel?
Not Jodi Foster
WOOOOHOOO!!! Pop open the rosé bubbly…how girlie and not girlie! I love it!
So it seems to me that quite possibly you might be a little confused yourself. The reason I say that- and I am totally making a guess here- but you state above that you aren’t sure how you feel about the fact that she may be attracted to you. That leaves an open window in my opinion. If you were not feeling the same, at least a little bit, that is, then I think you would be adamant about letting her know it’s really making you uncomfortable.
How long has this feeling or your being “aware” of her behavior been going on? Is she in a “happy” relationship? Do you talk about your spouses much? Even when you aren’t drinking the bubbly?
Look, if you feel the “vibe”, I would imagine that it’s probably there. If you are good friends, address it. more than likely, it’s not going to go away. And if you are close, then talking about things should be good, because how much longer before you’re making out in the pantry after family dinner? I would be curious to know if she has had previous same sex relationships, too (although lots of us went to college). Remember, also, that it is always easy for someone to slip into an attraction to a good friend if said friend is filling a void in their home life. You become this person’s confidant and pep coach. You become the closest thing to an intimate relationship they have, and their love and gratitude toward you can be seductive.
Honesty is the best policy here, but you need to be ready to deal with the answer. If she doesn’t indeed have romantic feelings toward you, and if you aren’t feeling the same way, you need to be loving and understanding. Don’t be critical, and try to remain calm for your friendship’s sake. Try to be clear, though, because you don’t want to give her the wrong fantasy if you’re not ready to deliver full-on lady love. Good luck, enjoy your rosé, and tread carefully.