I recently split with my husband. I was having an emotional affair with someone with whom I fell in love. The other man was also married. He left his wife and we are now together. His ex wife has mutual friends of mine, and has been bashing me on Facebook. Fair enough. I get it. However, she is bashing my children, my family, and other relationships because she is pissed off. I acknowledge my part in the deal. But I want her to leave my family out of it.
Facebook at 40 is bullshit
Ahhhh, Facebook. The addictive force that wreaks havoc on so many lives. Don’t get me wrong- I do the Facebook and I love it. I keep in touch with friends from all over the world through it and for that I will forever be grateful. However, your life is never your own again once you’ve climbed on board. Lady friend, you need something strong that is going to give you some liquid courage. Hold on to your britches and pour yourself a Maker’s on the rocks.
I know you are in a tough spot. I am neither condoning or shaming your situation. We all have experiences in which we wish the way we arrive to the final outcome could be different. But, I want you to understand that this woman you are dealing with is in a great deal of pain. Take a huge slug now. And pain typically comes out as anger. You are dealing with her pain right now. And thank GOD, it’s a stage that she will eventually get through. I agree with you, she shouldn’t bring your family or loved ones in on this soap opera, but you are not dealing with a full deck right now.
Time is going to be key here. You have to let this run its course a bit. You are not going to get an olive branch anytime soon. Maybe you should block her so that you can’t see what she is saying or doing. It would save a lot of pain. Although, I get wanting to know what damage she is doing. Remember, though, you’ve done your fair share of damage as well.
Another Maker’s for you. I know that the older we get, people understand that these types of things happen. If they’re mature at all, they’ll also understand that there are 2 sides of the story. Take it from me, your real friends will know the story, and those who are feeding into this will eventually settle down. Yes, EVENTUALLY! You are going to be coined the “homewrecker.” But I don’t know the whole story and neither does anyone else, so shame on them.
I am sorry you are going through it all. But, it’s not to be unexpected. You did have an affair, people did get hurt and there are going to be consequences. Hopefully the drama will subside very soon.
Bottoms up, and hold your head up, too….
Dear Beat Babe,
I’ll get to the point. I have 4 kids and they are absolutely ruining my sex life. I have no desire anyore whatsoever. I thought it was a stage, but it’s sticking.
I used to be a total slut
Get yourself lined up with a beautiful pinot noir. One that is very palatable and easy, like your love life should be.
Kids are wonderful, aren’t they? We obsess over them and so cloyingly praise them at every turn, yet they suck the very essence of our beings out of us, leaving us to dry up and wrinkle. Too much?
Please…this is one of THE most common marital issues to date.
I’ll keep my answer simple to your question…SUCK IT UP! Successful marriages require sex. Period. End of story. Full stop. I completely empathize with you on the lack of desire. You’ve had children on you since the second you woke up this morning, haven’t you? Whether you are feeding, clothing, bathing, coddling, scolding, yelling or hugging them…they have been ON YOU CONSTANTLY FOR THE WHOLE FREAKING DAY! When they are finally in bed and you have a moment to yourself to maybe to take a bath or read a book, return a phone call or an email, along comes hubby pants with his cock in your face wanting some attention. And this is on a daily basis. I wake up every GD morning with morning wood in my back nearly pushing me out of the bed. What gives? Nothing! You are not going to get a break, my dear.
Are you literally sucking down the pinot now? It so helps! What you have to do is take one for the team. Your husband has been working hard, albeit without 4 screaming needy children at his feet. He probably was able to drive his car to work today with actual music on, not the bloody Disney channel or Kidzbop or whatever the hell it is. And I bet he had a lunch where he was able to sit down and enjoy his food. Not walk aimlessly around the kitchen eating scraps off the kids plates while trying to roll a piece of ham and string cheese together so there are no carbs.
It’s just different kids of work. And the one you’re doing is physically and mentally exhausting. But men NEED SEX. They need it. Get those kids to bed early and have sex immediately. Believe me, then he’ll fall asleep and you’ll have some free time. Everyone is happy.
I know you love your husband. This is a finite period of time in your life when you are exhausted. Constantly. But, don’t neglect your important relationship with the hubs. He’s the one that’s going to be there when all of the rugrats are gone.
Have another pinot and just DO IT. Literally and figuratively. Cheers!