I wondered how I felt the year before, so I looked in my journal. I wanted to share it with you. Here is what I wrote last year, unedited:
43 years. How did that happen?
I would like to give myself a gift today, on my birthday. I’d like to give myself the gift of kindness. Kind voice(s) in my head. Merciful, loving talk. The kind I would want my daughters to have.
I would never want her [sic] to beat herself up, or tell herself she hates herself and what a stupid, awful person she is. And yet I do these things to myself. This should be the true example I set for them! The true goings-on within. That is what I want them to have. Love for the beautiful people they truly are.
I never really think anyone loves/likes me. I am always surprised when they do. And yet, I love everyone. Why don’t I trust that they, too, can love me? I hate on myself daily. More than I ever would with even an enemy (if I were to have one).
So this birthday I will minimize that. I will love myself and strive to keep my internal voices positive and loving. What I would want my girls to do. To develop this into a habit.”
I don’t remember writing this, but as I read it, it rang true. I will work harder on it this year. And no matter what day it is, be a little kinder to myself.
Go easier on yourself. Give yourself a break. And I will too.