My inner monologue is horrendous. I just continually beat myself up, even when I try to stop. Late at night and in the morning. Every motivational and inspirational post in the world doesn’t seem to help- at least for very long, anyway. I’d never let my friends or kids talk to anyone like this! Why can’t I quit?
What isn’t wrong with me?
Oh, my dear. I am sitting here drinking my pinot noir and empathizing with your problem. I am wondering why women don’t ever believe that they’re enough, while men think they’re more than enough and then some. Why are we programmed to think we are less? I will contemplate this while I swirl my pinot, and try to figure it out.
I have, of course, seen women be hard on themselves in general. Whether it’s about their weight, height, clothes, marital status, job status, kid’s status, who their friends are, something they said to someone somewhere about something likely ages ago. It’s truly nuts! WHY? Where did this shit come from? Our mothers did it, too…trust me, I’ve asked. Is it innate? Is it learned? I don’t know those answers, but I’ll tell you what I do know…it’s BULLSHIT.
I think the main thing that helps me (besides pinot) is trying to be- and stay- mindful of how I am feeling. This means that I acknowledge what I am doing in that moment, which is putting myself down, and I literally verbalize the words, “Stop it right now!” Bottom line is this: I know that I am a good person. I am taking risks, I am alwasys striving to be better, I am working on balance in my life, and I understand that this is a journey. Nothing is perfect! Nothing! And that also means that probably everyone else in our lives is dealing with doing better, too.
Unless you’re Jeffrey Dahmer, stop beating yourself up. Some self monitoring is good, but don’t overdo it. I feel very sure in asserting that the people close to you feel you are AMAZING. So stop it. Take breaks from judging yourself…. and give yourself the breaks you give other people.
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